I read therefore I write

The air shifts differently when you're wearing luxurious items and getting out of a luxurious car. I call it aura. But I think that might not be it. Perhaps, when people feel inferior to you, they start breathing differently. Or when they like you. Or when you're standing too close to someone from a different gender than you in the LRT. Perhaps, their body starts to exude more heat than usual and secrete more sweat than before. Maybe that's the reason you sense a shift in the air. Maybe. Just maybe.

Currently listening to Halsey - Room93 Full EP

Among the things that I aim to happen is to be able to feel. Inspiration isn’t something that you can call whenever. It requires invitation. And apparently, you’d have to wait for him to respond. 

Have I slept too much that I no longer want to sleep?

Perhaps, not being afraid that I will be making a fool of myself would be a good start to do away with what I am currently feeling.

You seem to write extremely well when you’re convinced no one is judging and if there’s any, they are not whose opinion mattered to you.

Looking at it in a new angle,

it is not material that I lack. It is courage.

Nikmat Lapar

Bila perut bunyi, kosong, penuh angin.
Baru terasa merdunya bunyi plastik yang bergesek.
Manisnya hirup air coklat suam yang lemak.
Kunyah, telan ayam goreng garing.
Sesuap penuh nasi berlaga dalam mulut, bergusti dengan lidah, dilenyek ketap gigi.

Semua cuma boleh rasa sedap dan nikmat yang amat.
Saat kau betul-betul lapar.

Sama jugak kasih sayang.
Masa kau tengah sunyi, sedih, haru, tak keruan.
Ada orang tanya khabar.

"Tak sihat ke?"

Manis rasa.

Burrppp~
Kenyang dah.
Alhamdulillah.

Suatu Pernah

bibit ayat yang aku baca
nama yang tak pernah aku lupa
kini jumpa

nasib...ingat dah tak ada.

kadang kagum kita pada satu-satu individu akan jadi inspirasi dia.
bila hari-hari dia rasa macam satu dunia tak suka.

maka seratus mata aku hadiah untuk puisi yang pernah aku baca di ruang komen Fynn Jamal.
bertahun dulu dan terus jatuh cinta.

bukan pada orang
pada tulisan dia.

Kalaulah, dalam alternate universe, tiba-tiba terjumpa entri ni dek tuannya,

Nak pesan satu je.

Tulislah buku. Saya beli. Janji.

Pabila dipanah petir cinta..
Tubuh bagai direnjat voltan berjuta nilainya..
Tubuh tidak seksa, tidak lecur..
Walhal arus tidak henti-henti menziarah aku dari segala arah..

Ya, nadi hampir berhenti..
Kerana tidak percaya wujudnya cinta sebegini agung..

"Wahai petir, panahlah aku jangan berhenti!"

oleh Ahpeng Mohamad

Angst

They say,

you're only looking for yourself when you were a teen.

Fact is,

we're all still trying to.

Excuses

It seems that I'm really good at this.

Giving excuses.

I actually learned to do it pretty early in the course of my 21 years of life.

It gets you out of trouble.

But lately, I found that I kept on making up excuses

for myself.

For my bad character.

"I'm in a bad mood. That's why I'm freaking grumpy all the time"

"It's my period"

"I don't like to socialise. It drains my energy"

So on and so forth.

It's getting worse, still.

And looking at it from a different point of view,

I am honestly ashamed.

Making excuses for yourself doesn't justify your wrongdoings.

Fact is, you did it and it's wrong no matter how you look at it.

So now, please.

Stop making excuses and own up to your mistakes.

May time mould you into a better person.

Minda Separa Sedar

Aku sangat percaya pada subconscious aku.

Buku yang aku pilih,

gut feeling yang aku rasa bila nak buat sesuatu keputusan,

tak sedap hati yang datang dengan barang yang aku tertinggal,

malah aura yang aku rasa bila aku cakap dengan manusia.

Aku percaya yang subconscious aku pandai baca micro expression tanpa aku sedar pun.

and even pick up the minor details that I wasn't paying attention to.

Process

and give me a strong urge to come to a certain judgement.

Aku memang macam tu.

Always have been, always will be.